I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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