"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
