hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
