i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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