I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He shit in the fireplace
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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