your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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