I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
