i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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