question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
