I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it was like eating out sand paper
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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