So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize