This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
