Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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