My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
