i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
