My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
