Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
