Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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