just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
