I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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