Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
