We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
