Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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