Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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