Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
