you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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