another moral hangover. fuck.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
