i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize