I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
