I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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