R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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