The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
