She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
