my mouth tastes like poor choices
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
