I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
