if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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