I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
