You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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