My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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