to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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