So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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