I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
