i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
