You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize