I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
