just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
