he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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