just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
