It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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