you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize