When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
