did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
