Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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