I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My life is pants optional.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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