twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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