I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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