it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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